We Want the Spark, Not the Burn

In relationships — whether romantic, spiritual, or deeply personal — we’re often drawn to the spark. That electric excitement. The rush of connection. The sense that something meaningful is forming.

We want the spark... but not the burn.
The spark represents passion, chemistry, and the thrill of possibility. But where there's spark, there’s also the potential for burn — and that’s where we hesitate. The burn is vulnerability. It's the risk of betrayal, the ache of misunderstanding, the loneliness that can creep into even the closest connection. And so, we often try to pursue love while avoiding what love demands: exposure, surrender, risk.

But here’s the hard truth: we crave emotional connection while trying to avoid the emotional cost — and that’s nearly impossible. Real connection requires real openness. It takes us beyond comfort zones, into places where our hearts are both kindled and tested.

We want the love... but not the hurt.
Love asks for our trust, our patience, our forgiveness. It stretches us toward selflessness, which is beautiful — but also costly. We love the idea of love: companionship, security, mutual affirmation. But when conflict, disappointment, or personal growth becomes uncomfortable, many retreat. Without realizing it, we often seek the blessings of love while refusing the refining fire that strengthens it.

So what’s really going on beneath the surface?
Let’s be honest — we’re often carrying more than we know. At the root of this paradox is:

• Fear of pain — We’ve been hurt before. We don’t want to risk it again. But there’s no such thing as safe love. Not if it’s going to be real.
• Desire for control — We want connection on our terms. We want the joy without the mess, the growth without the grind.
• Cultural conditioning — We live in a world that preaches comfort, instant gratification, and self-preservation. But the path of true love is rarely convenient — it’s often inconveniently transformative.

A Relational Truth
C.S. Lewis said it best in The Four Loves:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken…”

He goes on to say that if you want to protect your heart from hurt, you must lock it away — but in doing so, you’ll also lock it away from love itself.

Final Thought

We were made for love, but not a sanitized version of it. Real love costs something — but it gives more than it ever takes.

Let’s stop chasing sparks while avoiding the burn. Instead, let’s lean into the kind of love that refines us, stretches us, and ultimately leads us into deeper wholeness.

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